“Why don’t you set aside your ‘to-do’ list from time to time?”a spiritual adviser recently suggested to me. “Try focusing less on all the tasks you want to check off. Instead, make more of an effort to listen to your inner voice, and just do whatever inspires you in the moment.”

I understand the idea is to merely “be” and let life unfold spontaneously as it should. If I could quit trying to “do” so much, I might have less worrying, less guilt, and less resistance to what is before me. Ultimately, I believe there would be more room to enjoy life experiences more heartfully.

“BUT—BUT—BUT!” my stammering mind screamed in protest. “You’ve always managed your life by lists! You have lists for groceries, errands, books you’ve read, books you want to read, movies you want to see, music you want to learn to play, your new experiences and adventures, home improvement projects—not to mention yearly goals and your daily and weekly ‘to-do’ lists!”

It’s true. I’ve always had a thing about making lists.

When I’m heading out of town, I have a list of things I want to remember to take with me. And, I make a list of tasks to complete before I leave.

Holidays bring their own list of lists. There are cleaning and decorating tasks, items to buy for any entertaining planned, gifts to buy, and people to contact.

When I used to swim at the YMCA, I once forgot to take a towel. After that I carried a list of everything I needed in my bag—lock, towel, goggles, earplugs, toiletries, etc.

Of all the lists I keep, the ones to which I’m most closely bound, are the daily “to-do” lists. There’s nothing like the sense of accomplishment you feel when you look at all those crossed-off items at the end of the day. Some items are important tasks I can’t afford to overlook. However, I also include a number of ridiculously mundane tasks. I mean, seriously—do I really need to remind myself to do the laundry, make a menu, and create a grocery list?

Then I heard about someone who, if she accidentally completed a task not on her list, would add it to the list afterwards just so she could cross it off. Oh! My! Gosh! It was such a fantastic idea that I had to start doing it myself.

Some of those lists may sound impressive, and some are truly helpful. Still, they have their drawbacks.

For one thing, I often misplace my lists and have to start new ones. That realization led me to ponder an important question: How much time do I spend writing and rewriting lists?

And then there’s the problem of over-listing. I know I’m guilty of this. I put down a million things I hope to accomplish each day. It’s unrealistic. I never complete all the items, and sometimes that results in feelings of frustration. When that happens, I have to write the same things on the list for the next day—and maybe even the next.

If my mind is centered on a piece of paper, it is not taking in the moment. If I’m worried about what else is on the list, I’m missing out on what IS.

All this self-examination prompted me to make some changes. Because I’m aiming for deeper richness in life, I really want to lessen my dependency on lists. 

However, altering lifelong habits, I’ve discovered, is no easy thing to do! List-making has always been a kind of road map to direct my path throughout the day. Even if I’ve fallen short, crossing things off my lists has made me feel I’m accomplishing things.

Some say it takes 21 days to make a new habit or to break an old one. I’ve got a long way to go on this one, but I have started. No more long lists of daily tasks to complete.

I confess there are times when it’s all I can do to hold myself back from picking up pen and paper. Time after time I feel restless and out of sorts because I want to list those tasks I need to do. 

But if I do give in to the urge and start grabbing the writing tools, I’m going to stick to penning a different kind of list. This will be a much shorter one. And every time it will have the same exact words.

Presence.

Gratitude.

Love.

Those words and nothing more. Those words over and over to remind me of what truly matters most in my life. And there’s the hope as I write them that when the 21 days are up, I’ll be living their message. I aim to be living it at least enough that there’s no longer a need to make that list.