Thirteen-year-old Brandon arrived at detention with a look of pure innocence. Short and slightly round, he had eyes that lit up when he smiled. Although his appearance was cherubic, his behavior was definitely not.

BY NANCY KIDD

Brandon was volatile to the point staff sometimes had to restrain him. For the safety of all, he seldom appeared in class with other students. It seemed staff members were constantly dealing with his dramatic outbursts. When he began to show tendencies of causing self harm, he was transported to a mental health facility. Although it was almost 100 miles away, he would be able to receive much-needed help there.

Kids in detention often deal with significant stress in their lives. That stress may come from the circumstances of their detainment, as in ”What is going to happen when I go to court?” “When will I get to go home?” “Am I going to DOJJ?” “Will I be able to return to my family?”

Stress may, in truth, be something the children deal with their whole lives. Poverty, unstable family situations, and mental health issues. All factors beyond their control that can deprive them of a calm, happy childhood.

Coping with stress is another issue many kids struggle to manage. For this reason, when the minors are in detention, staff keep a watchful eye. When necessary, they summon mental-health professionals to assess the minors’ needs. And sometimes, like Brandon, students end up being transferred to mental health facilities. At such places, they can receive a higher level of care, and their needs can be better addressed.

Brandon returned to detention a couple weeks after his hospitalization. His improved emotional state was noticeable. He seemed calmer, better equipped to deal with his stress. He attended class on a regular basis. Pleasant and attentive, he joined in group activities. We marveled to think this was the same young boy we’d known a few weeks before!

Let’s share

As often happens, when you learn something good, you feel compelled to share it with others. You believe in what you’ve learned, and you want others to benefit as well. That was how young Brandon was feeling. He approached me eagerly with his request to present a lesson to the class. He had recently learned various stress-reduction techniques to help him cope. Now, he wanted to share his discovery to help his classmates.

I wasn’t so sure that was a good idea.

In detention, the students were typically divided into two groups. Their placement was generally based on their ages and ability levels. I knew Brandon might be OK making his presentation to his regular class. After all, those students were close to his age, and most of them already knew him a little. But the other class was a serious concern. Those students were all older, bigger, and perhaps more hardened. I was deeply concerned about how they would receive him.

On one hand, the detention classroom does have strict rules on behavior. Plus, the detention officers maintain a close watch over the students. He should be safe from being openly ridiculed. Even so, I wasn’t feeling confident. I worried they might find a subtle way to humiliate him. Concerned that he might still be in a fragile state, I needed to prevent him from being “eaten alive.”

Brandon persisted with his request, so in the end I decided to let him make his presentation to both classes. As the schedule played out, his first presentation was to the older students.

(Gulp!)

He began by explaining the benefit of using breathing exercises to help relax. Then he demonstrated various breathing techniques and had the students model his examples. Most of the techniques were simple, such as inhaling slowly to a count of four, then exhaling to a count of four. The kids appeared engaged, and they followed his instructions closely.

So far, so good!

Uh oh

And then, without warning, he launched into “alternate-nostril breathing.” Immediately my own stress level began to go through the roof. Both my mind and my heart were instantly racing out of control.

“NO! STOP, BRANDON, STOP!!!”

“DEAR GOD, PLEASE DON’T LET HIM GO THERE!”

Those were my thoughts as I tried to come up with the best way to halt this potential train wreck. I knew I needed to step in and protect this young boy, but I didn’t have a clue about how to proceed.

The exercise he’d just introduced looks pretty strange the first time you see it. It looks especially weird to those not familiar with yoga and meditation. And that would most likely include everyone in the room!

This technique requires you to place the middle two fingers on the bridge of your nose between your eyes. Then you close off one nostril by pressing down with the closest outside finger. At the same time, you inhale through the open nostril—a slow count—one, two, three, four. Before you exhale, you release that finger. At the same time, close off the opposite nostril by pressing down with the other outside finger. Then, as you exhale, there is another slow count of one, two, three, four.

A mature audience would have handled this strange, new experience graciously. But this was not a mature audience. We were dealing with a particular group of adolescents. And these young people were staunchly opposed to anything appearing weird or uncool.

Innocence

Stunned and concerned for this boy’s welfare, I felt powerless to step in, and so the lesson continued. Brandon was so sincere and so enthusiastic, and he carried on like a pro.

Like a protective mother hen, I was on the lookout for potential danger. I kept glancing around the room from one student to another, waiting to see if anyone would dare cause a problem. Although I could detect a few little smiles from the “big kids,” no problem materialized. There was no snickering, no belittling, no smug condescension. All eyes remained on Brandon. Every student followed his lead and did exactly as he instructed them.

Amazing!

When the lesson ended, one of the older boys in the group congratulated Brandon for his effort. This self-appointed leader expressed what everyone in the room seemed to be feeling.

“Thanks little brother!” he said tenderly. “That’s pretty cool! I’m glad you found something that works for you!”

Whew! This was not at all what I’d anticipated! Feeling utterly drained, I collapsed with relief in my chair. And then, taking a lesson from Brandon, I began inhaling slowly—one, two, three, four … .

So much energy wasted by worrying!

Warmth

Understandably, “alternate-nostril breathing” never really caught openly in detention. Even so, the students had gained some important coping skills from Brandon’s lesson. They had learned the benefits of deep breathing to relieve tension. They learned, and they implemented it in their own lives to manage the inevitable stress. Sometimes we did deep breathing and relaxation exercises together as a group. Other times, the kids practiced on their own, alone in their rooms.

Although he may not have realized it, Brandon put himself in a vulnerable position that day. In his innocence, he took a risk putting himself out there in front of his peers. In hindsight, I am sorry to admit I tried to discourage him. Thank goodness he stuck to his convictions! That teaching moment he presented had fed his soul. It had fed ours as well, gifting us a brief moment of joy to share in our interconnectedness.

Brandon, a mere boy of 13 years, a boy who had struggled with his own serious issues. This resilient boy was now standing before us—unashamed, firm, determined to grow and to heal. And, by his example, this precious boy had unknowingly set the bar a bit higher for the rest of us.