BY NANCY KIDD

All people have a profound need to belong, to know they have a place in this world and that they matter. Unfortunately, however, there are untold numbers of souls, broken and suffering, because that need has never been fulfilled in their lives.

I met Ashley many years ago when she appeared in the classroom at the juvenile detention center. A 15-year-old who appeared to have significant emotional issues, she was unable to remain attentive in the group. She was incapable of completing her written assignments without assistance. Much of the time she appeared to be off in another world. Her lips were raw and bleeding, the result of her constant biting them. She chewed her fingernails, and she pulled out her eyebrows.

Kids end up in detention because they have broken the law, often times because they have caused harm to others. Not Ashley. If she was hurting anyone, it was herself. The charge against her was indirect criminal contempt of court, and it was all because she wouldn’t go to school. She was a truant.

In the past, a judge might sentence a truant to serve 180 days in detention.  That sounds pretty harsh, and perhaps it was designed to put “the fear” into them.  How it usually played out, as I remember, was that after a few weeks, there would be another court hearing, and the judge might release the minor if they had displayed good effort and behavior while being detained. They had an opportunity to return to their home school and turn over a new leaf. I suppose most people would expect the student to go home and never miss a day of school again.

But that was not the case for Ashley. Several weeks after her initial detainment, she was taken from detention to a court hearing. She received her second chance and was directed to go back to school and maintain regular attendance.

Because she did not return to school, she was again apprehended and brought back to detention. Although alternative education programs were offered, she was unable to comply.

The people working in the justice system had exhausted every possible option for her, but none proved successful. In the end, she returned to detention to complete the rest of her sentence.

Six months locked up! What was she thinking?

Did she have some sort of phobia associated with school? Did something about it cause her intolerable anguish? Did she lack confidence or a feeling of self-worth when it came to facing other students there? Had a particular experience rendered her incapable of stepping into a classroom?

I doubt anyone could say for sure why this girl would not go to school.  I wonder if even she could articulate the reason—or maybe it was a long list of reasons.

It wasn’t difficult to envision how much she had probably struggled in the public schools. With her “issues,” fitting in with others would have been a huge challenge.

At best, she probably felt isolated and lonely. At worst, she was probably bullied.

Perhaps to Ashley, 180 days locked in juvenile detention was not the worst option for her. Although the environment was restrictive and her privacy was limited, it provided a safe setting. While she was there, no one would shun, tease, or belittle her.  She would be cared for, respected, and accepted just as she was.  And that, perhaps, was the most bearable alternative available to her.

Ashley’s situation was not unique. Many struggle to fit in and feel accepted. Our culture can be quite competitive and judgmental. If you are one who has found your niche through your strengths and your talents, you are indeed fortunate.

But what about the scores upon scores of others? Don’t they deserve to feel significance as well?

What can we do—what are we doing to nurture them? How do we open our arms and our hearts to help them know that they, too, belong?

As I write these words, I keep thinking of Fred Rogers. What a wise, loving soul he was!

He clearly spoke in words of love. More importantly though, everything he said was consistently back up by his actions.

Some of my favorite Mr. Rogers quotes—

“The world needs a sense of worth, and it will achieve it only by its people feeling that they are worthwhile.”

“We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem. Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.”

“There are three ways to ultimate success: 

The first way is to be kind. 

The second way is to be kind. 

The third way is to be kind.”

“I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be.”

“Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero to me.” 

“Whether we’re a preschooler or a young teen, a graduating college senior or a retired person, we human beings all want to know that we’re acceptable, that our being alive somehow makes a difference in the lives of others.” 

“There’s no person in the world like you, and I like you just the way you are.”

May we all learn to view one another with Fred Rogers’ eyes. May we, too, act out of love on all we behold. And, may we live to see the day when every single person—child to adult—feels with certainty that they truly matter in this world.